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Catherine Castle

~ Romance for the Ages

Catherine Castle

Tag Archives: computer humor

Musings from a Writer’s Brain–(Up)Dating Adventures with HL Carpenter

10 Monday Jun 2019

Posted by Catherine Castle in Humor, Musings from a Writer's Brain

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

computer humor, HL Carpenter, Murder by the Books, Musings from a Writer's Brain

Today’s guest blogger, or I should say bloggers, are mother and daughter writing team HL Carpenter, talking about their techy adventures, or rather misadventures. Welcome, HL.

(Up)Dating Adventures

by HL Carpenter

Image Courtesy of Dreamstime Free Photos

“I regret I am the bearer of bad news.” Stalwart Code hoped Bizzy Author was not the fainting type. “Your website is not responsive.”

“Not responsive?” Bizzy peered at the computer screen, without a vapour in sight. “What does that mean?”

Impressed by her calm demeanor, Code said, “It means readers who visit using smart phones, tablets, and gaming devices cannot properly see your content.”

“Ah! That explains the death of my book sales, does it not?”

“In part.” Code drew a breath. Sometimes he hated his job. “I am afraid I must impart more bad news. Your site is also the victim of Neglect.”

Bizzy gasped. “Not that diabolical criminal!”

“Unfortunately, yes. Neglect is a sneaky rascal, but he leaves clues.” Code pointed to the copyright at the bottom of Bizzy’s home page. “Here is one. That date is two years old.”

“This is far worse than I believed.” Bizzy clutched Code’s muscular arm. “Please! I beg of you. Help me set this right.”

“Are you certain?” Code asked. “I am happy to be of service, yet you must be aware the trek will be long and perilous. You will need much bravery and determination to carry you safely through the hazards of the Land of Website Updating.”

Bizzy fluttered her eyelashes. “If you consent to be my guide, I will go boldly forth.”

“Your request and my desire are one.” He smiled. “Let us begin.”

They stopped first at the Bank of Goals, a fortress guarding the gateway to the Land of Website Updating. Bizzy withdrew three goals: Build Your Presence, Spread the Word, and Sell Books.

“Excellent choices.” Code took her hand. “Next stop, the Design Studio.”

Once in the Studio, Bizzy debated the merits of a nice-but-not-so-easily-changed traditional website or a content management platform called WordPress.

“The matter is one of personal preference.” Code winked. “Are you a conventionalist or a do-it-now gal?”

“No waiting around for me.”

Bizzy grabbed a WordPress ready-made theme off the shelf, and added colors, fonts, and images. She tossed plug-ins, widgets, and extensions into her bag too, when Code said they were the simplest way to add audio and video as well as social media links to her re-designed website.

“Thank you for the tip.” She grinned. “A woman never knows where the road through the Land of Website Updating will lead. Mayhap I shall establish my own shopping cart one day.”

“You are indeed fearless.” Code took the bag and held the door open. “Let us proceed to the Content Factory.”

“No need. I shall create my own content. I maintain a running account at the Idea Store.”

“Fearless and talented.” He ran his fingers along her back. “Shall we begin the real journey now, my dear Bizzy?”

“I thought you would never ask, darling Code.”

She leaned against him and they contemplated the adventures ahead.

Logo Valley awaited, a maze of false starts and dead-end canyons from which they would mine a brand. After navigating the valley, they would brave the rapids of Cascading Style Sheets, ride the powerful Search Engine Optimization train to the wild frontier town of Marketing, create a Child Theme, and endure the unrelenting toil of Recurring Maintenance and the perils of Email Marketing. Their tale would be faithfully chronicled on the pages of the virtual home they would build together.

After all, what is a website but the happy marriage of Bizzy Author and Stalwart Code?

And on that happy ending, we invite you to enjoy an excerpt from our mystery, Murder by the Books.

A letter from beyond the grave brings accountant Fae Childers face to face with murder, embezzlement, romance, and a hidden family legacy.

Then the fortune-telling grandmother Fae never knew existed, whose name and psychic abilities she now learns are also hers, issues a challenge from beyond the grave—a challenge that brings Fae face to face with murder, embezzlement, romance, and a hidden family legacy.
When the mystery of Fae’s past collides with the troubles of her present, the situation veers out of control. Her very life is threatened. Who can she trust? The man she’s falling in love with? The former fiancé who has already betrayed her once? Or only herself?

With justice, romance, and her future at stake, Fae must overcome personal and professional obstacles to save herself and those she loves. And she’s going to have to do it fast, before someone else dies.

Amazon Buy Link

Mother/daughter author duo HL Carpenter write family-friendly fiction from their studios in Carpenter Country, a magical place that, like their stories, is unreal but not untrue. When they’re not writing, they enjoy exploring the Land of What-If and practicing the fine art of Curiosity.

Visit their website to enjoy gift reads and excerpts and to find out what’s happeni
ng in Carpenter Country.

 

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How to Make Your Computer Behave

14 Tuesday Jun 2016

Posted by Catherine Castle in Author Catherine Castle's blog, Humor

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

bad computer mojo, computer death, computer humor, failed laptop, how to make your computer behave, misbehaving computer

misbehaving computer

We’ve all experienced it. The sluggish computer that doesn’t respond to your touch. The monitor screen that locks up and freezes. That spinning circle that never seems to stop. The blue screen of death.

Some of us experience that phenomena more than others. I happen to be one of those unlucky users. Six months ago my computer died. Computer death is not an uncommon event in my office. It happens more than you would expect. The latest mortality was probably the third computer I’ve had in ten years. My husband, on the other hand, has had the same computer for ten years.

I don’t know what the problem is, but I go through computers like crazy. Blame it on my electrical personality. Blame it on my animal magnetism. Blame it on the phases of the moon. I kill computers so fast that I’m not allowed to touch the hubby’s machine.

I kid you not!

I can’t turn his machine on. I can’t turn it off. And I certainly can’t touch the keyboard. NO. NEVER! I’m often surprised that he lets me touch the second monitor he set up for me to look at when we work together on projects. Occasionally, he lets me unplug the electrical cord, and that’s it. He probably allows that because the computer is plugged into a surge protector and is insulated from my bad computer mojo.

The new computer we bought six months ago, to replace my failed laptop, is an HP All-in-One. I love the convenience of no hulking tower on the desk. The computer fits great in the desk cubby-hole. I have plenty of room around the front and sides for my office necessities: eyeglasses of varying magnifications, typewriter notepad and pen set, tissues, high intensity lamp for late night writing sessions, piles of papers and references books, and chocolate. We all have chocolate, right? The computer also has a nice big screen. The speakers are built-in. Gotta love that.

Sounds great, right? Well the stupid thing has been driving me bonkers since we got it. On any given day you’ll hear me holler, yell, and say bad words to the misbehaving machine. The hubby’s name accompanied by shrieks of frustration leveled at the computer is a common disturbance in our home. The neighbors walking by my front office window probably have their fingers poised over 911 on their cells, waiting to see if something flies out the window in a domestic fracas.

Some of the issue might be Windows 10, but I don’t think I can blame the program entirely. My computer doesn’t play nice with the internet. Loading my email on the internet is a nightmare because of all the stupid ads they put on the screen. I type fairly fast, and can finish a sentence on my WIP, look up at the screen, and see NOT A SINGLE WORD made it from the keyboard to the virtual paper! ARGGHHHH! Anyway, after listening to me yell at the computer for six months, the hubby decided it was time to rectify the problem, so we went out and bought a very powerful, new computer.

The day we brought the new, shiny machine into the house, my All-in-One suddenly decided to play nice.

For the past week I been able to have five windows and as many programs open on the screen at the same time and nothing fails. Stuff opens up on the internet in what I consider a relative flash. I’ve loaded posts onto WordPress in a fraction of time that it’s been taking me since I got the All-in-One. I’ve only got the blue screen of death in the middle of something once this week, and that was while I was trying to get the machine to leave the internet. And, wonder of wonders, every single letter I’ve typed has appeared on the screen the second I touch the keys!!!!

So, if you’re wondering how to make your misbehaving computer behave here’s the secret:

Go by a newer, more expensive model. Bring it home and set in somewhere near the old computer. A few verbal taunts thrown at your troublemaker wouldn’t hurt either. As soon as your misbehaving computer picks up on the news that it’s history, it should start humming along like a well-oiled machine. At least until you pull the plug on it.

 

What about you? Do you suffer from misbehaving computer syndrome?

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