How to Make Your Computer Behave

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bad computer mojo, computer death, computer humor, failed laptop, how to make your computer behave, misbehaving computer

We’ve all experienced it. The sluggish computer that doesn’t respond to your touch. The monitor screen that locks up and freezes. That spinning circle that never seems to stop. The blue screen of death.

Some of us experience that phenomena more than others. I happen to be one of those unlucky users. Six months ago my computer died. Computer death is not an uncommon event in my office. It happens more than you would expect. The latest mortality was probably the third computer I’ve had in ten years. My husband, on the other hand, has had the same computer for ten years.

I don’t know what the problem is, but I go through computers like crazy. Blame it on my electrical personality. Blame it on my animal magnetism. Blame it on the phases of the moon. I kill computers so fast that I’m not allowed to touch the hubby’s machine.

I kid you not!

I can’t turn his machine on. I can’t turn it off. And I certainly can’t touch the keyboard. NO. NEVER! I’m often surprised that he lets me touch the second monitor he set up for me to look at when we work together on projects. Occasionally, he lets me unplug the electrical cord, and that’s it. He probably allows that because the computer is plugged into a surge protector and is insulated from my bad computer mojo.

The new computer we bought six months ago, to replace my failed laptop, is an HP All-in-One. I love the convenience of no hulking tower on the desk. The computer fits great in the desk cubby-hole. I have plenty of room around the front and sides for my office necessities: eyeglasses of varying magnifications, typewriter notepad and pen set, tissues, high intensity lamp for late night writing sessions, piles of papers and references books, and chocolate. We all have chocolate, right? The computer also has a nice big screen. The speakers are built-in. Gotta love that.

Sounds great, right? Well the stupid thing has been driving me bonkers since we got it. On any given day you’ll hear me holler, yell, and say bad words to the misbehaving machine. The hubby’s name accompanied by shrieks of frustration leveled at the computer is a common disturbance in our home. The neighbors walking by my front office window probably have their fingers poised over 911 on their cells, waiting to see if something flies out the window in a domestic fracas.

Some of the issue might be Windows 10, but I don’t think I can blame the program entirely. My computer doesn’t play nice with the internet. Loading my email on the internet is a nightmare because of all the stupid ads they put on the screen. I type fairly fast, and can finish a sentence on my WIP, look up at the screen, and see NOT A SINGLE WORD made it from the keyboard to the virtual paper! ARGGHHHH! Anyway, after listening to me yell at the computer for six months, the hubby decided it was time to rectify the problem, so we went out and bought a very powerful, new computer.

The day we brought the new, shiny machine into the house, my All-in-One suddenly decided to play nice.

For the past week I been able to have five windows and as many programs open on the screen at the same time and nothing fails. Stuff opens up on the internet in what I consider a relative flash. I’ve loaded posts onto WordPress in a fraction of time that it’s been taking me since I got the All-in-One. I’ve only got the blue screen of death in the middle of something once this week, and that was while I was trying to get the machine to leave the internet. And, wonder of wonders, every single letter I’ve typed has appeared on the screen the second I touch the keys!!!!

So, if you’re wondering how to make your misbehaving computer behave here’s the secret:

Go by a newer, more expensive model. Bring it home and set in somewhere near the old computer. A few verbal taunts thrown at your troublemaker wouldn’t hurt either. As soon as your misbehaving computer picks up on the news that it’s history, it should start humming along like a well-oiled machine. At least until you pull the plug on it.

 

What about you? Do you suffer from misbehaving computer syndrome?